Yoghurt weavers are weaving themselves into a frenzy after famous singer, musician, writer, actor an

Everyone (just a few) got their knickers, pants, skirts, socks and even their turn-ups and gym-slips in a knot this week when world famous millionaire musician Colin “Slam G” Tramadol was interviewed in the The Guardian about his love for Michael Gove and the fact he feels cheated that Gove is not Prime Minister.

Most people will remember Slam G’s 1984 sleeper hit “Slam G” by his then band Slam G and the Goits. We were all humming it for months afterwards. It was far more memorable than Bryan Adams’ song “Everything I do… zzzz sorry, I dozed off” from the 1990s. Yet it was this hit that made Colin Tramadol his career. He was a self-made millionaire, from a humble working class background. He was a car mechanic in Shepton Mallet when he formed Slam G and the Goits. Now he’s richer than Bono. Of course he would later have a solo career and have further hits such as “Thatcher Twatcher”, “Fallopian Tube” and the outrageous 1998 AOR hit “Yoghurt Weavers” all about those special people who get precious about everything they love. After this Tramadol wrote a few novels and gave much of his money away to charity and did what Richard Branson does, only better (Ed. letters on a postcard as to what that could be!). So what went wrong? How could a self-made man who hated Margaret Thatcher and the Conservatives suddenly decide he loves Michael Gove so much, he wanted him to be Prime Minister? We don’t have a fucking clue. We did try and find out but really, there’s nothing. The Guardian article from 21st November doesn’t help at all either. It’s just platitudes about Gove. We do know however that those precious Yoghurt weavers he sang about are in force on Social Media calling him “Judas” and “sell out” and lots of other unsavoury words like “cunt”, “bollock-head”, “twat” and “Phil Collins”. They just cannot understand how their idol has turned to the dark side.

One now former fan called Imogen Lennon said on Facebook “I’m really depressed. Slam G was my idol when growing up. I dressed like him. I smoked like him. I had sex like him. I did everything like him. Now he’s come out supporting Michael Gove and my life is dead. I’m devastated. I’m joining a convent and divorcing my wife.”

Imogen sadly was the only person that made any sense whatsoever although one person did comment “what would Corbyn think?”. So people can add him to the list of people they once loved but now hate because their political ideology does not fit with theirs, like J.K. Rowling, Kate Bush, Owen Jones, Jonathan Pie and the unfunny one from Mitchell and Webb. Mick Hucknall doesn’t count because he’s simply never been loved.

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